The Rat's Nest

Ever since I was little, and I mean really little, it's always taken me a long time to fall asleep -- on average, about 2 to 3 1/2 hours after laying down. Totally awake. It doesn't matter how tired I feel, it still takes a long time for my body to fall asleep. Some nights go much faster than others, but usually that's what happens.

In general, I am an emotionally balanced, positive minded, laid back, low stress person with relatively low to medium energy levels.

The worst part though started around adolescence, and got worse through my late teens. Every day, sometime between 12:00PM - 4:00PM in the afternoon, I am overwhelmed with intense exhaustion, to the point where I can't even move. It is usually accompanied by a headache. It doesn't matter how much sleep I had the night before. If I'm sitting at my computer, I just sink into my chair, and I can't do anything. I eventually drag myself to bed where I attempt to fall asleep, but once again it usually takes 2-3 hours before I can do so. I lay there in total exhaustion, feeling helpless because I don't want to be doing it, but I have to. If I do fall asleep, it is not restful, and I wake up feeling sick and irritable.

I only wake up because I force myself to. I have to be up to feed the dogs and greet Stitch when he comes home. If I let myself stay there, I'd sleep straight through the evening and into the next day. I know because it's happened before.

Nothing will stop the episodes. Caffeine, energy drinks, exercise, more food, more sugar. If I can keep myself very, very, very active and engaged in something, I can get through it without having to lay down (god help me if I do), but I will still feel drowsy, experience the headaches, and be yawning excessively.

The really weird part is, if I can make it through the entire episode without falling asleep, even if I am completely exhausted, by around 7:00PM in the evening or so, it will completely disappear. I'll be alert and awake as usual, as if it never happened.

So napping pretty much happens every day for me, and when I tell friends it's usually like, ''oh that sounds pleasant, I wish I could nap'' and my only thought is, ''it is anything but pleasant, it is horrid actually, and I wish I didn't have to''.

I miss out on doing work, much needed chores, and yes, even fun times. It happens even at beloved furry conventions.

I'm just wondering if anybody knows what could be causing this. The usual ''adjust your sleeping routine, ect.'' doesn't work. It's not about sleep. I will ''nap'' even if I've slept a full a night, and if I manage to refrain from the napping for even weeks on end (in an attempt to retrain my body), the episodes will still continue and eventually a particularly intense one will just take me down again. 

Probably nothing that can be done about it, but I wonder. Does this happen to anyone else?

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In June I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In September I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). Last Saturday I bought porn for mangusu (-10 points). Last Thursday I ruled Iran as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). Last Friday adrielaldari and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). Overall, I've been nice (644 points). For Christmas I deserve an XBox 360! Sincerely, black_xander

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Very Slight
Dysthymia:	Slight-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Very Slight
Cyclothymia:	Slight
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Very Slight
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

I don't agree with the second one at all. Maybe in childhood I suppose. I wasn't in the healthiest environment, though. I am a happy person. <3

Our new girl. 10 month old Voodoo, the catahoula leopard dog.



Quantum, our six month old sea cow.





( CLICK FOR BEACH FUN TIMES )







Photo bomb!



Why people are scared to death of our dogs.



As we were walking through the town center, we came upon this doughnut shop that was offering some sort of doughnut eating game. Voodoo was scared by something so we turned our attention to her for just a second. I suddenly heard a boy yelp behind me and we turned around. Quantum had snatched a doughnut into his mouth and was proceeding to devour it, string and all.

I try to imagine how that must have looked from his perspective...walking along, and all of a sudden here are these magical powdered doughnuts hanging from the sky...at perfect eye level...he didn't ''snatch'' one so much as just opened his mouth like a feeding whale and let it filter into his mouth.



I can't believe our mastiff was fished.

It was an accident. :X

We'd been thinking about adopting a sibling for Quantum for a little while now, and over the past month had been browsing around various places. Today we made a visit to a couple looking to find a better home for their catahoula puppy, and after a run around the dog park with her and Quantum, we decided she would fit our family. n.n

Pictures soon. She's very beautiful. Due to the fact that she didn't actually have a consistent name, we renamed her Voodoo. In contrast to Quantum she's a small, high energy dog that will certainly need a lot of firm training. She listens well though, and appears to be intelligent. She didn't come with her own collar, which broke, so we hooked her up in Quantum's old harness, and it fits her perfectly. I can't believe that harness used to be LOOSE on him...she's ten months old now, so I suspect she'll probably get a little bigger eventually, or at least fill out some. But she's a nice small dog. In addition to adding some interesting variation to the family, she fits our meager budget nicely. :P

She and Quantum seem to get along so far, and are playing well. They both, somehow, seem to realize what's happening in this new situation, and the jealousy and protectiveness is already setting in, on both sides. It's going to be an anxious period of adjustment for everyone for a little while, but I think it'll turn out okay. The idea now is to establish a firm, balanced dog hierarchy, which will be a new challenge.

A multi-dog household is something we've planned on for a long time. I think we're aiming for about three fur kids total eventually.

I don't normally do this cheesy crap, but I feel like this year in particular I've got a lot to be thankful for.

In no particular order, I am thankful for:

- My health. I'm alive, I don't have anything terminal, I'm in great shape, and I'm not pregnant.

- Also, Implanon, mankind's greatest achievement since the Internet. Aldactone too.

- All of my friends. Having been through a period of my lifetime where I barely interacted with anyone, and only now in recent years having people so close to me, I find these relationships very special. Additionally, if it weren't for some of you in particular, I don't know what would have happened to myself and Vern this summer. You offered a path to safety. I took a freefall, and like a rockstar at a concert I rode on the hands of you guys. In particular I thank Celta, Sportmotor, Fuji, Rae, Stitch, Adriel, Falon and Feryl for pulling me through this year. I survived because of you. I am where I am right now, in the warmth and comfort of my own home, out of the toxic chaos of my former life, because of you. I hope you all can realize the gravity of that.

- Vern. It's a special honor to be loved and respected by a beagle, and I feel amazingly gifted to have shared a lifetime with one. He taught me more than I will probably ever realize. Without him, I would most certainly not be here. I look forward to sharing his memory, and what he taught me, with the rest of the world. The very thought of him still brings me joy, pride, and gratitude.

- Stitch. There are many out there who can't say they have someone to share their life with, much less a caring, sexy, talented, intellectually stimulating, adventurous companion for a mate. I have exactly what I've been looking for my entire life, what some people never even find. He bought me a home this year (for my birthday!) and continues to light up my life.

- Quantum. I don't know how I found him. He came into my life at just the right time, and he's perfect. As crazy as it sounds, I'm thoroughly convinced it was a beagle that picked him out for us. I think he wanted to make sure he had someone fitting lined up to take up where he left off.

- I'm thankful for my home. I have my own home, with much thanks to my mate. It's not an apartment, or condo, and we don't need any room mates. It's a house, with plenty of room, all of our things, and a gigantic yard. This is my paradise, and where my new family lives.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Quantum started doing cute puppy things on the couch so I reached across the table and grabbed the camera. He's just chewing away, squishing up his wrinkled face on the tennis ball.





...And then drops it and looks sad.

So I was on the drive thru again last night. That means more strange customers.

There were of course a lot of amorous drunk people for a while. The only unexpected part of that tonight was that Bitch Manager was...flirting with them... o.O;  Seriously. They freaked me the hell out, but she gave one guy a receipt and had him jot down his number for her, and others she would just stand with at the window and...flirt. She'd then close the window and turn around to me and be like, ''we get a lot of weird people at night, heehee.'' x.x;

But I have to tell you about my meeting with Beyonce.

We took this one guy's order. I couldn't hear him very well through the speaker, and neither could BM, and there was some initial confusion about what he wanted. He finally pulls up to the window with a number of girlfriends in the car.

And I realized that this guy is a woman. And his girlfriends are men. And he's a man. And they're men. And VICE VERSA EVERYWHERE. It was a car full of transexuals. Not just modest, ordinary transexuals. Full on, flamboyant, fake tanned, hair dyed, make-up covered transvestites. I suddenly had the Time Warp song in my head and had to bite my tongue from suddenly bursting out into song right then and there.

BM goes, "so you ordered the [something]?" And the order was wrong.

The driver made a mock frustrated face as we got to work fixing his/her's orders. Then he/she goes, "I demand something extra now. Something free! You got my order wrong and made me wait. Do you know who I am? I'M BEYONCE! I'm BEYONCE bitch I demand free food!"

I think he was just joking in a very awkward way, but BM gave him something random anyway. This made him happy.

(If you've never seen it, the movie Killer Drag Queens On Dope is an excellent, excellent film to which I owe my personal 5 stars. Anyway, if you have seen it, the driver looked and even acted EXACTLY like Ginger).

Just another long night otherwise.

OH! GRRR. >:C

When I first got to work that day, I had just clocked in when Bitch Manager said she'd "let you take a 35 minute break! :D Okay?". I had JUST SHOWN UP. And the reason was that she was holding someone else late and didn't want me on the clock. So I worked 8 hours that night afterward, and didn't get another break to eat (because who shows up to work on an empty stomach?). When she asked me later in the night how I was feeling (because I was drained and antsy) I told her I was tired, mostly extremely hungry and she had the balls to be like, "didn't you eat on your break? Heehee.'' I quite frankly said no, I didn't show up to work hungry, I expected to have a meal break in the middle of my shift like everyone else. She gave me this big innocent smile.

Since I've been getting less sleep, I've been remembering a lot of dreams. I slept GOOD last night but still had another strange dream this morning.

I wound up at this sushi bar, and I mean an actual sushi bar -- fully stocked with alcohol and sushi. The bartender warned me that I wasn't legal to drink and wasn't allowed to be at the bar, but I told her I was just there for the sushi and wouldn't drink anyway. She left me alone and disappeared. I was sitting at the bar next to Jude Law and a strange woman hiding under a shawl. Quantum went behind the bar and started eating the sushi. Suddenly, a long tentacle slithered out between the sushi trays, and I realized there was a huge live octopus behind the bar as well. I was going to go lop myself off a tentacle but decided to let Quantum have that one instead. The entire octopus slithered out and had suddenly backed a very confused Quantum into a corner, with the intention of eating HIM. It crawled on him and opened its beak to swallow and I said, "NO stay away from my baby!" and leaped behind the bar with a brick. I bashed the octopus over and over in the head with the brick until it gave up and slithered away. Jude Law and the creepy shawl woman frowned at me, and I was afraid they were going to call PETA. I insisted that I didn't hit the octopus very hard with the brick and it wasn't hurt, you just have to know how to brick octopuses properly.

Then later I was asked to be a sushi judge, sort of like a wine taster. This fat Japanese waiter brought out tray after tray of sushi and had me try each kind, and I had to tell them what I thought. I was putting them all in my mouth faster than I could chew or swallow and immediately saying how excellent they all were.

-

Most of my dreams are still dark, or have a layer of tension hanging over them. When I have nightmares they're about being chased, and when I try to hide I'm always found and I get attacked. I can only escape by running away. That's actually how I wound up at the sushi bar in the above dream, I was running from a ghoul and found the building in a huge wheat field out in the middle of nowhere. I also felt like I was under some sort of pressure to give the sushi chef a good review or something bad would happen. It was good sushi though.

-

Oh, and this reminds me of the time we did actually give Quantum some octopus to eat. We'd just gotten back from Osaka, which had whole baby octopi, and we brought one back for him. He laid on the floor chewing on it...you could hear the squeaky sound of teeth against rubber, and then you'd hear the tiniest little popping noise...we were like ''what is that SOUND'' and it turns out he wasn't eating it but delicately removing all of the individual suckers, which he then left all over the floor.

I guess it's like what they say about elephant trunks.. strong enough to uproot a tree, precise enough to pick a daisy.

Me: "I remember when you were so little I could hold you in my arms and carry you around the house..."

Stitch: "What do you mean? You still can!" LIFT "See?"






Stitch: "Hurry up and take the picture...I think I just threw out my back..."

Quantum, 5 1/2 months old.

We went to the dog park Sunday! That's my favorite place to be. I'm glad we can afford it much more often now. More amazing dogs were encountered, including a 14 month old black neopolitan mastiff. He was so beautiful, and his head was as big as a lion's. He was a powerful, provocative dog that you just couldn't take your eyes off of. Tales of love, testicles, ornery and slobber were exchanged with the owners.

Last night was a much better night at work. I was in a better mood from having had a good day at the park and sushi, and Stitch convinced me to nap for a few hours before leaving, which helped a lot. He stayed up, cleaned up and started cleaning out the pink room some more, putting up more decorations as he found them. It made the house feel additionally more comfortable.

The manager from my first night also came back. He's this old, fatherly, laid back but occasionally ornery Hispanic dude. I've quickly come to the realization that the female manager working last night is adding significantly to the workplace violence problem... o.o;

( WORK DRAMA )

Last night was the first night at my new job. It was...strange and interesting.

The job wasn't so hard, and I got along with everyone, particularly with the "master cashier" (a veteran employee that's like a manager but isn't) that I shadowed all night. Her name was Jen. We went on break together and sat down to eat and chat. She asked me if I had any kids, and I said yes. XD I pulled out my phone and showed her a picture of Quantum. She squee'd and got her phone to show me pictures of her chihuahua/pekinese mix, and stories were swapped. We made friends.


I got hit on through the drive thru window. D:

This guy pulled up and I guess the exchange about extra mustard and ketchup really turned him on. Now remember, this is about 3:00 in the morning, and as I'm handing him his drink he goes, "you look really nice this evening. What time do you get off of work?"

I'm like, "uh...sorry. ^^; "

"My friends and I are having a little insomniac party..." WTF? No...WTF?!

There were a lot of creepy people showing up. Some that we got around 4:00AM were very obviously drugged up... >.>  This one couple pulled up, and the guy that was driving was shirtless with his pants undone (purple underwear!) and was looking way, way tired (stoned?). He had a girl in the seat next to him who was laying down, slowly twinkling her fingers above her hair like she was brushing it, but she wasn't it. The whole time she was watching her fingers like they were doing something magical. When I smiled and said good night she suddenly gave me this huge, glassy grin and parted her teeth. 

WTF PEOPLE.


I picked up on everything pretty quickly. Made only a few minor mistakes, but by the end of the night Jen was play begging me to come back tonight. Said I did an excellent job and all that, and was very impressed.

It's apparently been extremely hard for them to keep third shift workers...many quit.

And many go insane... o.o;

There was this one guy that was there that looked really, really tired all night. Something stupid happened to upset him, and he blew up and starting throwing things on the floor and screaming before storming out. He was most definitely fired that night. When the manager tried explaining to me that it's really not like that, ever, and not to be alarmed, Jen admitted that it's fairly common. On her first night, two people quit, and another was fired for acting out even worse. The guy threw food from the backroom all over the floor and then went out and destroyed the lobby. x.x; That's just what happens. So like...there was a reason they had me sign a million papers and contracts about workplace violence when I was first hired...because that's apparently a huge problem at the store.


I don't like it. I don't. I hate leaving Stitch and Quantum home at night, and I know I'll go insane myself there before too long. They're also pressuring me to work school nights. I need to call the manager back today and give her a very firm no about that.

I'm keeping my hopes up about other possible job opportunities. It's not that I'm ungrateful, and I intend on doing a good job at Krystal until I leave, but I honestly can't handle it on more than a temporary basis. I intend to leave as soon as possible. I just want something more normal. I applied at a craft store that was hiring, and Sport is still working his ass off trying to get me into Mark One. I'm not sure if the latter will happen any time soon, but the craft store is apparently ready to go, just might be a few weeks before the manager can get back to me on it. I'm crossing my fingers for it, I'd really rather be there.


Anyway, that was the night.

----------------------------------

EDIT:

Called that manager back, and she's making a big fuss about working on school mornings. >:C I calmly explained that I can't be working all night, then going straight to school, leaving me no time for sleep, before being back at work again the next night, straight into the next morning again. I'm willing to work all weekend, just not overnight on school days. She said that'd be a problem, and she'll have to call me back on it. I'm holding my ground on this one.

I'm working at Krystal as a cashier on the night shift.

HELL YEAH! ^^

It'll be hard, especially with school the next morning...but just wow. When I get my first paycheck, I'm going grocery shopping. <3

I've got a job interview in half an hour. I'm so nervous I literally feel sick. Pray that luck and fate are on my side today.

I'm wearing my ring from Stitch, bringing Quantum's tooth, Celta's totem, and Sport's knife (leaving those last two in the car) as good luck charms.

Off I go.

Yesterday was Quantum's last puppy visit to the vet. He's got all his shots now and doesn't need to go back until his annual.

He is 4 months, 22 days old and 62 pounds. Perfectly where he should be in the weight range! It's pure structure too, he's nice and lean and muscular, totally healthy. I've been worried about him since the day we brought him home. He was so scrawny you could see all of his ribs, and then the worms, the parvo...now he's a big healthy horse. He may even turn out to be one of the bigger ones. He'd be a lot heftier if he was filled out into a rounded chunk like some of the mastiffs I've seen online. He's all paws and spindly legs -- and still 62 pounds! I'm so happy and proud of him!

He's still a raw feeder. For those who don't know much about it, I'm one more person that highly recommends it. 

We're heading down to Orlando as soon as Stitch gets home from class. Quantum gets to spend the night at his friend Lucy's house across the street. I wrapped up some lunch for him tomorrow and then we'll be home in the afternoon. It's going to be a fun weekend for him.
 

So I experimented with my first fursuit head today. Last year, Stitch and I both went out and bought supplies to give it a try. Stitch experimented with a mesh base head, but I never really did anything with mine. Today I took everything out again (though I'm missing my balaclavas and styrofoam head) and started to work.

Just a few hours in, I was delighted at how simple the process really is. My 2D artistic skills factored into my ability to visualize the shapes, and the way I ink my drawings digitally is surprisingly similar to carving foam. My main obstacle is learning how to use the electric carving knife, and in working with it I was reminded of how it was switching from the mouse to a tablet pen -- exact same idea, just different tools. Mouse to tablet to electric knife. I stopped at carving a muzzle, and then decided I would rather have at least my balaclavas before going any further with it. The exciting thing is, after the initial awkwardness, I know my next muzzle will be even better. I wasn't sure what I was doing when I began, and now I know just how to approach it next time.

I've got plenty more foam to make one or two heads, if I wanted. Just waiting to find the rest of my supplies so I can put something together. If I had a job I'd just go out and buy more, I'm certain something decent will come out of it. 


Speaking of which, cross your fingers and wish me some crazy fucking luck, I've got a job interview on Monday. 

Does anyone want to go to a haunted house event with me? I've never been to one.

The only one in Jax that I could find was Nights Of Terror. I don't know if it's any good, but it's apparently very large, and brand new. The tickets are $12, and it runs Thursday - Saturday until the end of October. 

http://www.nightterrorshauntedhouse.com/index.html

If anyone wants to go with me, get in touch! Except for Saturday this weekend I'm good for any time.

I lost.

*Breathes* Okay, the story again. I was getting Quantum's food out of the freezer, and bent down to put it in the fridge to thaw. I stood up just as the freezer door swung open again, and managed to hit my head so hard my chin knocked into my chest and I felt my jaw rattle. I didn't think anything of it until I started feeling really disoriented. I went to my best friend, the Internet, and ran a search for ''concussion'' and the symptoms sounded square on.

No, I didn't go to the doctor or anything, but I guess it's relatively mild, because I didn't pass out or suffer any memory loss, which happens in most cases. I read that as long as you didn't pass out for more than a few minutes, or continue to lose consciousness afterward, it shouldn't require any emergency attention...just rest and such is all you can do for it. It's been two days now since.

This morning it's just a dull headache, with tiredness and sensitivity to light. For the most part I'm okay as long as I don't move around too quickly or get worked up. Today will have to contain napping.